There’s probably nothing worse in the minds of others than being a smug married homeschooler. Once you’re married, there’s no way you’re not smug, it comes with the certificate. Married couples are the single most irritating thing you will see walking around Ikea holding hands, testing out the sofas and having in depth conversations about furniture dimensions, like seriously, its Ikea, in a week the laminated wood will be chipped already, get over yourselves! Married people posting endless photos of their not even cute children on Facebook who used to be open minded but now belong to the Tea Party. Homeschoolers are worse than them.
Homeschooling is like wearing a t-shirt that says ‘I know better than you’ – even if you don’t, even if you’re blundering around in the homeschooling dark without a flashlight and the air is blue with your frustrated curses. Even if you sometimes cry because your kids don’t care about homeschool and are intellectually curious about Dino King. Even if you meant to homeschool and ended up doing Maury’s ‘Who’s the Daddy Dance?’ all morning instead.
Homeschoolers are intensely irritating to those who send their kids to school. That’s why they are legally persecuted or viewed with suspicion. More irritating than vegans (everyone knows vegans are really crying for meat as they pick the nuts out of their teeth!). More irritating than feminists (everyone who isn’t feminist feels kind of sorry for feminists because they have a lot of facial hair and and they smell. Of feminism). More than posh people because although posh people seem to have all-gold everything, they still commit suicide and do the self-destructive ish that commoners do. More than bell-ringing evangelists who tell you you’re going to hell cos you know that day is coming when they are going to be lying in the road, drunk and you’re the one who isn’t going to judge them as you call an ambulance.
Homeschoolers are irritating because deep down parents know that homeschooling is probably the best thing you can do for your child if you do it right and there’s really no getting around that. Homeschoolers are irritating because they are basically saying the school you send your child to isn’t good enough for their Little Lord Fauntleroy – which is irritating. Who do they think they are? Homeschoolers are irritating because you are can’t wait for your children to go to bed when you’ve only been with them a couple of hours and they’ve spent the whole day with their child LAUGHING (you imagine) and making ADORABLE CRAFTS or conversing in fluent MANDARIN.
I’ve come to realise the special place homeschoolers don’t hold in anyone’s heart since becoming one myself. If people can’t understand your position or feel sorry for you then they can feel threatened and that can make you public irritation number 1.